The Awesomatastic Blog of Patrick Fahey

jhnmyr:

I’m not sure if it’s a function of advancing age or just the times we’re living in, but it’s almost impossible for me to find complete external validation in any one thought, desire, instinct or vision anymore.

Who do you want to be exactly like? Is there anybody in this world who’s laid down a template for your dreams and goals that you’d copy and paste over your own life’s story? Maybe you want to go to a music college as I did when I decided to attend Berklee College of Music in Boston. Start asking some alums whether it’s worth it and you’ll get two distinct answers. One half of the control group will tell you it’s not worth it, that you might as well just start a band and hit the road. The other half will tell you that it was the flash point for their music career and that without it they’d be nowhere. The answer depends on the experience had by each person you talk to. Maybe the “Nos” spent their semesters curled up in a ball fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the phone and never applied themselves to making the most of the time there. You’ll never find the answer you want, just information with which to build your own idea and chart your own course.

Take your favorite artist, the one you look up to and see as the perfect specimen of talent, values, output, whatever the case may be - and someone else has a reason why they’re not worth even a passing glance. Is “Bob Dylan: Don’t Look Back” the documentary of a genius iconoclast or was he a self absorbed pseudo-intellectual bully? It depends on who you ask. Is Jay-Z the reigning king of hip hop or is he “all business” now? It depends on who you ask. I bring up both names because if you ask me, I put them at the top of my list of people who can do very little if no wrong at all, but it won’t take long to read someone’s opposing point of view. If you’re not sure of what you love, that means you can be talked out of it, and that’s a slippery slope.

Is your boyfriend cute? Was Hurt Locker the best movie of the year? Are you going to go out in those shoes? Should you take the promotion and move to Boston? Did I wear “Hammer” pants on stage in Houston or is Rick Owens a visionary clothing designer?

It all depends on who you ask.

Which is a pretty great reason to stop asking all together. Nobody’s life template will ever lay evenly over yours. And in those times when they clash completely, you have to walk alone, with confidence that you’re creating your own template, made out of your own instincts and your own dreams and your own goals. And if you do it long enough, maybe someone someday will look to yours as the life to model theirs after. Of course, some people won’t agree with them. It will all depend on who they ask.

I wish I could write songs. I mean I do. Write them, that is. Just not well. See I put a lot of time and effort into writing songs. But I feel like I come up short all too often. Say for instance I want to write a song about a girl. She’s smart and funny and cute and a total bitch - Yeah, a break up song. I have the emotions and ideas in my head about what I want to write, but can never put the words properly to paper, and end up rhyming three letter words in couplets. It’s all too simplistic, and the world wants so much more from their artists these days. You know, the real ones that write their own stuff. I’ve never been more envious of Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump, Mark Hoppus/Tom DeLonge, Matt Skiba/Dan Andriano. Where’s my Pete? My Mark? My Matt? The person I can go to - write songs with. I want to create that catchy tune that’ll make everyone sing - I want my crowd to swear at and hate that bitch the song’s about. Why? I want people to get my music, really dig into it.

I saw Alkaline Trio on March 6th. Amazing show. They played so much of the old stuff: ‘97, Nose Over Tail, and stuff from Good Mourning. But the moment that stuck out at me the most was when they played “Fuck You Aurora” - and EVERYONE there was just screaming that line. I’ve never known Aurora. I don’t know who she is. But I hate her, and want to yell at her, and tell her how much pain she caused. It’s incredible what a song can do to someone.

I want to be able to do that. Someday, I will. I’ll just keep writing and working my ass off until my time comes.

MUSIC

Matt Skiba

- While You’re Waiting

- My Friend Peter

- Patent Pending

- Good Fucking Bye

- This Addiction

- Dethbed

Alkaline Trio guitarist Matt Skiba’s style of writing is akin to elegiacal poetry - taking a dark theme such as death or addiction, and creating a mood that the writer wants you to feel, such as happiness or contentment. Songs like “This Addiction” and “While You’re Waiting” take the beautiful feelings and emotions related to love and spins a dark twist on them: addiction to heroin and suicide, respectively. Songs like “Patent Pending” and “My Friend Peter” have dark sometimes bitter elements to them, and you still feel differently than the lyrics would have you think. In the case of the latter, the bitterness of a breakup leads to getting over it with alcohol, transposed to a poppy demeanor, leaving one more inspired than resentful.

Brandon Flowers

- Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town

- Romeo and Juliet

- Under The Gun

- Mr. Brightside

Brandon Flowers of The Killers’ style is very romantic and poetic. He works stories seamlessly through a classic-formula pop/rock song. In “Ruby…” and “Under The Gun”, he tells the stories of people he couldn’t possibly be - a paraplegic older man and a heartbroken, widowed young man - and makes them all his own. In “Romeo and Juliet” he simplifies and modernizes the original story to a soothing tune.

John Rezenik

- Iris

- Stay With You

- Slide

- Before It’s Too Late

John Rezenik from The Goo Goo Dolls writes awesome love songs. While they’re heart-wrenching and poignant, they have captivating hooks that keep you in through all the ardor and emotion that love is - conveyed through flawed situations and terrifying odds. Idealistic and dedicated, Rezenik’s style is very charismatic.

Mark Hoppus

- The Party Song

- Lemmings

- Roller Coaster

- Dammit

Mark Hoppus, bassist of blink-182 has had a boyish and innocent tone throughout most of the band’s early career. That particular style usually comes across as immature, and while Mark definitely IS immature, the songs have an endearing quality to them. His excellent use of words, bending them into each other and back over themselves show in many of his songs. Lines like: “Make me promise/ That I will never tell a lie/ Remember’s the way you bedroom smelled” (Roller Coaster) and those of “The Party Song” show how his intricate way of lacing words and lines together make for an interesting and catchy pace. And of course, he did write my favourite song of all time, “Dammit.” Oddly enough, the song was written in a very short period of time about a breakup that never happened.

Tom DeLonge

- Reckless Abandon

- Dick Lips

- Asthenia

- Secret Crowds

- The Adventure

Tom DeLonge, currently of both blink-182 and Angels & Airwaves, has had a lot of growth to his songwriting style. In blink-182, up until the Untitled album, wrote with a very adolescent mindset. Songs like “Anthem,” “Dick Lips” and “Reckless Abandon” are written about getting drunk in high school and going to parties, having your parents get angry at you - teen issues. When his style started to mature, so did the subject matter of his songs. “Asthenia” is about the breakdown of life in space, the feeling of emptiness before giving up on hope altogether. In Angels & Airwaves, Tom writes about love, hope and inspiration. “The Adventure” is all about believing in yourself and resting your life on love and the support of the people you wish to take on the metaphorical adventure of your life.

Jim Adkins

- Bleed American

- Chase This Light

- Let It Happen

Jimmy Eat World’s founding member, Jim Adkins, paints mental landscapes and aural pictures like no other person making music today. His wordsmithery can take you from the comfort of your mind, and drop you somewhere completely unfamiliar - yet make you feel right at home within the emotion. The pictures are almost so vivid that you could become immersed into the situation without even realizing it. “Bleed American” starts off immediately with the grim reality of human dependancy on technology and pacifistic or suppressive medicine - and continues to describe the degradation of modern society through our ostensible advancements. Contrastively,  ”Chase This Light” paints a more hopeful picture; depicting the same modern futility, with a turn for the better brought upon by hope and optimism.

“Feeling This”, “Pathetic”, “Waggy”, “Emo” - blink-182

“Love Love, Kiss Kiss”, “Mercy Me”, “Don’t Say You Won’t” - Alkaline Trio

“Firefight”, “The World You Love” - Jimmy Eat World

“Take Me Home Tonight” - Eddie Money

“Wait For The Blackout” - (covered by both Alkaline Trio and The Goo Goo Dolls)

“True Hate”, “Gardens” - Heavens

“Do Better” - Say Anything

“We Are Cosmonaut” - Farewell Continental

“Ageless Beauty” - Stars

“2 15/16” - USS

“Weatherman” - +44

“Be Yourself” - Audioslave

LITERATURE

Shakespeare

- Hamlet

- Macbeth

- All’s Well That Ends Well

- Coriolanus

- The Tempest

I love Shakespeare’s writing. Not much else to explain here.

Douglas Adams

- Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy Series

- Dirk Gently Series

Douglas Adams comedic style is perfect. It’s the written equivalent to Monty Python, in all aspects. Adams actually wrote for Monty Python, and acted with the cast in certain sketches and other projects. Comedy never fit so perfectly into words.

Yasumi Matsuno

- Final Fantasy Tactics

While its not literature in its basic form, Final Fantasy Tactics for the Playstation is super inspiring to me. The characters feel so real, and you can’t help but love or hate them. As well as having depth to begin with (unlike many video games) they grow and change with the story, lending themselves to a sense of interest throughout a 60 hour long game. The story is very compelling, and as one plays through it they become immersed in the world created for them.

Art and Photography

Legit Indian living root bridges. Ficus elastica, If you wanted to know.

Those are just a few pictures I really like. I might just do a blog post of all rad pictures later.

At any rate, this is what Inspires me. Can’t wait to see yours, Louisa!

So, a couple of people have asked me to compile a list of my favourite songs, albeit on a much smaller scale. WELL, I says to them I says: “I don’t do things of this nature half-way! I’ll do a TOP 100 LIST!”

I’d like to point out that I refrained from filling the list entirely with blink-182 and Alkaline Trio on purpose, since it would consist of them and maybe two other songs.

So here it is, in very particular order:

100. Just Dance - Lady Gaga

99. Zulu - blink-182

98. Piss and Vinegar - Against Me!

97. Our Lives - The Calling

96. 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger

95. Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms

94. Great Expectations - The Gaslight Anthem

93. The Ballad of Chasey Lane - Bloodhound Gang vs. Peaches (G3RSt)

92. Speak Slow - Tegan & Sara

91. The Everglow - Mae

90. Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out) - The Arcade Fire

89. Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World

88. Untouched and Intact - The Honorary Title

87. Drumming - Florence and The Machine

86. Crazy For This Girl - Evan & Jaron

85. Do It Or Die - Die Mannequin

84. Out Here All Night - Damone

83. Welcome Home - Coheed & Cambria

82. The Once And Future King - Bloc Party

81. Underclass Hero - Sum 41

80. A Bar In Amsterdam - Katzenjammer

79. Cut The Curtains - Billy Talent

78. Koi No Megalover - Maximum the Hormone

77. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything - Relient K

76. Los Angeles Is Burning - Bad Religion

75. Banquet - Bloc Party

74. Letters To God - Box Car Racer

73. Of All The Gin Joints In All The World - Fall Out Boy

72. Wendy Clear - blink-182

71. Be Yourself - Audioslave

70. Start The Machine - Angels & Airwaves

69. In Too Deep - Sum 41

68. Waggy - blink-182

67. Life Less Frightening -Rise Against

66. Such As It Ends - Ludo

65. NJ Legion Iced Tea - A Day To Remember

64. Do Better - Say Anything

63. Reckless Abandon - blink-182

62. I’d Do Anything - Simple Plan f. Mark Hoppus

61. She’s My Winona - Fall Out Boy

60. Jaked On Green Beers - Alkaline Trio

59. Waking Up In Vegas - Katy Perry

58. Hit In The USA - Beat Crusaders

57. All The Small Things - blink-182

56. Swing, Swing - All American Rejects

55. Those Who Fight Further - Final Fantasy VII Soundtrack

54. Mr. Chainsaw - Alkaline Trio

53. Bloc Party - Fort Minor, Apathy & Tak of Styles of Beyond

52. Here’s Your Letter - blink-182

51. Pathetic - blink-182

50. Peaches - The Presidents of the United States of America

49. I’m Down With That - The Pettit Project

48. Until The Stars Fall From The Sky - Mark Hopppus & Richard Gibbs

47. Fox - Millencolin

46. Dumpweed - blink-182

45. After Hours - We Are Scientists

44. Anthem Part Two - blink-182

43. Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World

42. Bleeder - Hot Water Music

41. Stay With You - Goo Goo Dolls

40. The ‘59 Sound - The Gaslight Anthem

39. No It Isn’t - +44

38. Hot n Cold - Katy Perry

37. Blue In The Face (Demo Version) - Alkaline Trio

36. Stockholm Syndrome - blink-182

35. Modern Swinger - The Pink Spiders

34. Go With The Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

33. Bloodied Up - Alkaline Trio

32. Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World

31. Not Now - blink-182

30. 2 15/16 - USS

29. Armageddon - Alkaline Trio

28. Ageless Beauty - Stars

27. All The Pretty Faces - The Killers

26. Brother - Murder By Death

25. Fine Without You - Alkaline Trio

24. We Are Cosmonaut - Farewell Continental

23. Under The Gun - The Killers

22. My Friend Peter - Alkaline Trio

21. Make You Smile - +44

20. Hell Yes - Alkaline Trio

19. Patent Pending - Heavens

18. There Is - Box Car Racer

17. Asthenia - blink-182

16. Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World

15. Good Fucking Bye - Matt Skiba

14. Mercy Me - Alkaline Trio

13. Wasting Time - blink-182

12. Work - Jimmy Eat World

11. Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money

10. The Adventure - Angels & Airwaves

9. The Rock Show - blink-182

8. Brother - Toad the Wet Sprocket

7. Minority - Green Day

6. View From Heaven - Yellowcard

5. While You’re Waiting - Alkaline Trio

4. Aliens Exist - blink-182

3. Feeling This - blink-182

2. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

1. Dammit - blink-182

If you feel the need to question the list, by all means do so!

I don’t have bad things to say, just things in general. It’s a real shame that I can’t say the things I want to even on the internet, since the person I want to write about will find it and know immediately.

I think that’s a big problem with this generation. Security and privacy issues, coupled with our endless capabilities to share information.

I just hope everything works out. That’s all I’m saying. See you soon, kiddo.

Oh, tumblr.

Friendship happens when two people converge upon: “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

- C.S. Lewis, paraphrased.

I’ve come to some serious conclusions. And I’ll compile them here in list format for easy reading. At the end of each paragraph, I’ve summarized the main idea into one line.

1. Friends stick together.

This seems like it should go without saying. But in light of recent events, I think it needs to be addressed. When you have a group of friends, you decide what to do as a group - not as individuals with specific objectives. Say, for instance, your group is 5 people. If one person in the group decides on what to do, considering there are no other ideas, it makes sense to do that thing. But if everyone gets there, and only that person is having fun - it’s time to leave. Group dynamics are not built upon having a leader, they’re built on ties and collective objectives.

“Fuck the “Bro Code”. I don’t care if you’re getting laid - we’re bored as shit listening to this bitch talk about her puppy.”

2. Friends are not judgmental.

When a friend has an issue, listen to them. Don’t judge them based solely on the outer shell of the issue that you see. If someone you care about is troubled, it makes sense to be supportive. I mean, unless they’ve killed someone, or raped a 13 year old, there’s no reason to judge someone - especially your friends.

“You did what to a goat? With a plunger? - Not acceptable. Say: That’s neat, how did you get into that sort of thing?”

3. Friends see each other as equals.

Once again - this seems to go without saying. But think about it. When you’re with your friends, isn’t there someone who assumes they’re more important? Maybe the oldest one, the one with the car, the one with the girlfriend, the one without a girlfriend - there are tons of probable situations. But they always assume their position on a pedestal, vying for attention. You want to be supportive, because they are your friend - and in some cases, you don’t want to feel guilty because they happen to be your ride or something like that - but it’s just really hard to worship a friend. When you’re put into a situation like that, only bad things can happen, and it’s best to try and work it out without kicking someone’s legs out; or metaphorically taking the wind from beneath their wings.

“Just because you’ve got the car doesn’t mean you’ve gotta be the boss.”

4. Friends do not keep secrets from each other.

Trust is essential in any friendship. It’s really hard for one to imagine their life without that person they can share everything with. It’s super difficult to find that person you can trust, and when you do - you know you can put your soul into their hands. But your soul can seep through their fingers, when you start keeping things from them. It can be something as little as - “I ate your last chip”, to something as severe as “I’m fucking the girl you have a crush on.” If you keep things away from your friends - bad things happen.

“Secrets don’t keep friends, simple as that.”

5. Friends help each other.

If a friend is in need, that’s your immediate number one priority. Unless of course you’re dying. Then you have an excuse. Heroics aren’t needed, just something to give them a boost. Or to move their stuff. Or give them a shoulder to cry on. Anything for a friend, you know?

“Bert, pass me the soap. Rubber duckie has no arms.”

6. Most importantly - Friends communicate.

This is VASTLY the most important rule of friendship. When communication fails, so does a friendship. If you feel like you can’t talk to your friend anymore, than why bother, right? Wrong. What’s the reason you can’t talk to them? Should you mend it? Is it worth it? If at one point you called this person your best friend, then rethink your position. Confront the situation head on, and communicate your problems. A real friend would not judge or overreact or veto your opinion. Just talk to them - what can it hurt to address a problem if you really are friends?

“If I’m fighting because you’re fighing, and you’re fighting because I’m fighting - then why are we fighting?”

In conclusion - I can’t say I know everything, but I can say this: To have a friend, you must be a friend.

By the way, I’d like to make mention of something that’s been bothering me. Within the last year, I lost 4 of my best friends. One to death, one to bad decisions, and two to miscommunication. When losing almost all of your close friends, it’s hard to move on. It’s hard to say “I’m ready to forget all those times, and leave them behind forever.” When I lost my closest friend to death, he left me with some of the hardest times I’d ever face. He gave me the strength to stand up for myself, the power to do something and the voice I needed - without ever saying a word. I miss him every day - and I can’t wait to see him again. The next friend I lost was someone I know I could have seen myself with for a long time. But I chose the wrong paths, and people involved changed for the worse. I just wish things had gone differently - maybe I’d not have to be writing this. The next friend I lost saw me as a screw up and immature - a failure. Not because I did things wrong, just differently than her. And since she never told me why, and I never informed her of why I did the things I did, we fell out of friendship. The last friend I lost is one I’ll never forget - and never live down. I knew him all my life, we’d been through everything together - but up until recently I’d never realized I knew nothing about him. I wanted to - I really did. He was just never open. And that in turn led to the downfall of our friendship. It’s been well over a month now, and I can see that things will not get better unless we both do something about it. But he’s too callous to realize how much I’ve been hurt - and what I’ve been through this last year.

I’d apologize to him if I could, but I’m afraid it would come from a fist. Communication at its lowest form is knowing when you’ve hurt someone - and it seems like the whole world is blind to this simple idea.

To be a friend is to know what it’s like to need one. I want to thank Danny for giving me that perspective. He’s a hero - and a true friend.