The Awesomatastic Blog of Patrick Fahey

Friendship happens when two people converge upon: “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

- C.S. Lewis, paraphrased.

I’ve come to some serious conclusions. And I’ll compile them here in list format for easy reading. At the end of each paragraph, I’ve summarized the main idea into one line.

1. Friends stick together.

This seems like it should go without saying. But in light of recent events, I think it needs to be addressed. When you have a group of friends, you decide what to do as a group - not as individuals with specific objectives. Say, for instance, your group is 5 people. If one person in the group decides on what to do, considering there are no other ideas, it makes sense to do that thing. But if everyone gets there, and only that person is having fun - it’s time to leave. Group dynamics are not built upon having a leader, they’re built on ties and collective objectives.

“Fuck the “Bro Code”. I don’t care if you’re getting laid - we’re bored as shit listening to this bitch talk about her puppy.”

2. Friends are not judgmental.

When a friend has an issue, listen to them. Don’t judge them based solely on the outer shell of the issue that you see. If someone you care about is troubled, it makes sense to be supportive. I mean, unless they’ve killed someone, or raped a 13 year old, there’s no reason to judge someone - especially your friends.

“You did what to a goat? With a plunger? - Not acceptable. Say: That’s neat, how did you get into that sort of thing?”

3. Friends see each other as equals.

Once again - this seems to go without saying. But think about it. When you’re with your friends, isn’t there someone who assumes they’re more important? Maybe the oldest one, the one with the car, the one with the girlfriend, the one without a girlfriend - there are tons of probable situations. But they always assume their position on a pedestal, vying for attention. You want to be supportive, because they are your friend - and in some cases, you don’t want to feel guilty because they happen to be your ride or something like that - but it’s just really hard to worship a friend. When you’re put into a situation like that, only bad things can happen, and it’s best to try and work it out without kicking someone’s legs out; or metaphorically taking the wind from beneath their wings.

“Just because you’ve got the car doesn’t mean you’ve gotta be the boss.”

4. Friends do not keep secrets from each other.

Trust is essential in any friendship. It’s really hard for one to imagine their life without that person they can share everything with. It’s super difficult to find that person you can trust, and when you do - you know you can put your soul into their hands. But your soul can seep through their fingers, when you start keeping things from them. It can be something as little as - “I ate your last chip”, to something as severe as “I’m fucking the girl you have a crush on.” If you keep things away from your friends - bad things happen.

“Secrets don’t keep friends, simple as that.”

5. Friends help each other.

If a friend is in need, that’s your immediate number one priority. Unless of course you’re dying. Then you have an excuse. Heroics aren’t needed, just something to give them a boost. Or to move their stuff. Or give them a shoulder to cry on. Anything for a friend, you know?

“Bert, pass me the soap. Rubber duckie has no arms.”

6. Most importantly - Friends communicate.

This is VASTLY the most important rule of friendship. When communication fails, so does a friendship. If you feel like you can’t talk to your friend anymore, than why bother, right? Wrong. What’s the reason you can’t talk to them? Should you mend it? Is it worth it? If at one point you called this person your best friend, then rethink your position. Confront the situation head on, and communicate your problems. A real friend would not judge or overreact or veto your opinion. Just talk to them - what can it hurt to address a problem if you really are friends?

“If I’m fighting because you’re fighing, and you’re fighting because I’m fighting - then why are we fighting?”

In conclusion - I can’t say I know everything, but I can say this: To have a friend, you must be a friend.

By the way, I’d like to make mention of something that’s been bothering me. Within the last year, I lost 4 of my best friends. One to death, one to bad decisions, and two to miscommunication. When losing almost all of your close friends, it’s hard to move on. It’s hard to say “I’m ready to forget all those times, and leave them behind forever.” When I lost my closest friend to death, he left me with some of the hardest times I’d ever face. He gave me the strength to stand up for myself, the power to do something and the voice I needed - without ever saying a word. I miss him every day - and I can’t wait to see him again. The next friend I lost was someone I know I could have seen myself with for a long time. But I chose the wrong paths, and people involved changed for the worse. I just wish things had gone differently - maybe I’d not have to be writing this. The next friend I lost saw me as a screw up and immature - a failure. Not because I did things wrong, just differently than her. And since she never told me why, and I never informed her of why I did the things I did, we fell out of friendship. The last friend I lost is one I’ll never forget - and never live down. I knew him all my life, we’d been through everything together - but up until recently I’d never realized I knew nothing about him. I wanted to - I really did. He was just never open. And that in turn led to the downfall of our friendship. It’s been well over a month now, and I can see that things will not get better unless we both do something about it. But he’s too callous to realize how much I’ve been hurt - and what I’ve been through this last year.

I’d apologize to him if I could, but I’m afraid it would come from a fist. Communication at its lowest form is knowing when you’ve hurt someone - and it seems like the whole world is blind to this simple idea.

To be a friend is to know what it’s like to need one. I want to thank Danny for giving me that perspective. He’s a hero - and a true friend.